i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
