And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
