Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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