tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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