he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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