I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
