I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
