omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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