Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
