I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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