the condom got lost in my hair
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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