I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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