pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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