im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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