im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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