How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
