Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
