Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
