My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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