um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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