Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
