if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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