Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
