its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
