I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
