yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
