I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
