yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
