Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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