She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
