I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
