maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
