Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
