Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
