I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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