Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize