suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
