Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I did not marry a roomba.
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