i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
