I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
