Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
