but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
