I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
