If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
