i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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