my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
