this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
