the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
