On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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