I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
