escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
