Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
