the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
