Can i not drive my cunt home
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
