So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
