apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
