I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
