Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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