Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drunk is not a location!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
