Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
